Mini Me Uncensored

Mini Me never ceases to amuse me. Just when I think he has surpassed his funniness capabilities, he strikes again!!
Last night, we were sitting on the couch, eating funnel cake and hanging out. Mini Me and I are just chatting about the funnel cake and somehow or other, the topic of the "100th Day of School" comes up.
For those of you who are not familiar with the "100th Day of School" concept, teachers mark the 1ooth Day of School with different activities for the kids. Kind of like a big class party. They usually practicing counting and sorting 100 objects and this necessitates the parents purchasing some kind of item-pennies, M&M's, paper clips, sunflower seeds, etc...-for the kids to bring in, count and share with their classmates.
OK.
So last night, Mini Me tells me, very nonchalantly, that he does not need to bring the requisite sunflower seeds to school on Monday because he told his teacher that his mom has no money.
Me (very incredulously): "What did you say?"
Mini Me: "I told Mrs.FirstGradeTeacher that we can't bring in the sunflower seeds because we have no money. You said that, Mom."
Me: "I did not say that. What are you talking about?"
Mini Me: "Remember, when we were in Target you said that. Remember?"
Me: "Uhhh...no."
Mini Me: "Yes, you did. You said we couldn't buy the toy because we had no money. And then I told you we had to buy the sunflower seeds for school. Remember?"
Me: "Yes, I remember quite clearly what I said. You were not listening to me. When you asked me to buy you the toy, I said we did not need any more toys and I did not have any money to spend on toys. Plus, I said we were just going into Target for something I needed to make dinner and that was it. I did say I would buy your sunflower seeds, but that I had to wait until Daddy got paid to spend anymore money. "
Mini Me: "Oh."

Then being the wonderful mom that I am, I went off.

Me: "Why would you tell your teacher I could not buy the sunflower seeds? Have I ever not given you what you need for school? Ever?"
Mini Me: "No."
ME: (yelling very loudly and extremely pissed-off like) "OK. If I do not give you a note to give to your teacher or tell you to tell your teacher something, then don't worry about it. As long as you bring me the paper from Mrs.FirstGradeTeacher, and it says what I need to bring, I will take care of it. She knows I will call her if I have a problem. OK?"
Mini Me: "OK, Mom. I'm sorry. I love you Mom."

(my heart melts a twinge, enough so I am able to contemplate letting him live. Mini Me immediately begins sucking up to appease angry mommy). Whatever. It worked. Only because he is cute. And funny. And so totally himself.

Since I know his teacher, I called her cell phone on Saturday morning and left a message telling her what Mini Me told me and that I had already bought the sunflower seeds. I then gave a lengthy and humorous explanation of Mini Me's line of reasoning. Since my message was so...long-winded, I ran out of time while leaving her a message and it was incomplete. I had never called her on her cell phone before and did not want to bother her. But, I also did not want her to go out and buy the sunflower seeds when I already had them.

Five minutes later, my cell phone rings, and its Mrs.FirstGradeTeacher laughing uncontrollably.

Mrs.FirstGradeTeacher: "I loved your message. That is the funniest message I have ever gotten. Mini Me is so funny. He comes out with the funniest things. "

Yeah, don't I know that. Embarrassing too.
I'm so glad I could provide amusement to my children's teachers. I so love having to explain the antics of Mini Me and Panda (eyes roll furiously).

Me: "I am so sorry. Last night when he told me that I didn't have to buy the sunflower seeds because you were going to get them, I was so mad at him. I still am. I don't know what is wrong with that boy!"

MrsFirstGradeTeacher (still laughing uncontrollably): "Well, yesterday, in class, I was going over what everyone is supposed to bring for Monday and he busts out with 'Mrs.FirstGradeTeacher, I can't bring the sunflower seeds because my mom says we have no money.' And so I said, 'Oh, OK, Mini Me. Don't worry. I can bring them in.' He is just so funny. I love that kid."

Yeah. Real funny. I want to tape his lips shut.
Thank goodness Mrs.FirstGradeTeacher knows me, and found everything so amusing, or else I would have killed him. Truly.
I then proceeded to explain what had transpired at Target.
She started laughing harder.
When she finally calmed down, she said not to worry and to bring the sunflower seeds in. She then volunteered information on Mini Me's reading skills, how great he was doing and the fact that he was accelerating quickly. Oh, and that now there was competition in the class as to who could advance the quickest in reading. Lovely. Now my child is a smarty pants trying to outdo everyone else. I want him to be smart, just not a jackbutt. As long as he doesn't start talking any smack, I'll let him live.
Honestly, the only thing that saved his little butt was the fact that he is doing well. And, he's cute. But cuteness is becoming extremely overrated in his case.
So that, my friends, is more of the fun that comes with being Mini Me's mom. There is never, ever a dull moment. I guess he was just mad that he didn't get his toy, huh?
I'll take that drink now, please.

Mr. Chattypants

I think I have found my partner, Mr. Chattypants. He's about 3 feet tall, maybe weighs about 40 pounds, wears glasses and has yellow hair. He's really cute too! Of course, it's Mini Me. And geez Louise, can that boy talk! Got that gift of gab from his mommy. And, he's funny to boot!!
He follows me around the house talking about his latest book, his friends, his poop, whatever comes into his little head. He is too much!! He has been hounding me the last few days to punch holes in his book and attach those binder rings, so he can bring this book he wrote to school and read it to his class. I feel for his teacher. She has no idea what she is getting herself into.
Over the weekend, he told me about his last book that he read to the class. He said he was trying not to laugh while he was reading it because he wrote about how the Clone Troopers were farting and using it to kill the good Star Wars people with the smell. I tried to turn away so he couldn't see me laughing but...it was no use. I cracked up! Where does he get this stuff? I don't know. I'm sure his teacher was really impressed with his writing skills after that. Now, with his new book, I am a little reluctant to punch holes and attach those rings. I'm sure you can understand why. But, I just gotta say, he is too funny!
Today, he was like, Mom, how much longer until we get home? We had gone to take Mike to work and we were actually pretty close to the house. So, I told him we were about 2-3 minutes away.

Mini Me: "Oh. A minute is 60 seconds, right?"
Me: "Yes"
Mini Me: "Can we be home in 60 seconds?"

And being a mom, in the car with the potty dwellers, I panicked.

Me: "Why? do you have to go to the bathroom?"
Mini Me: "No. I just want to get back into bed and take a little nap before I gotta get dressed for school. I wanna get home faster!"

THAT is my kid!! All about the bed. And needing his beauty sleep. Some of us need it more than others, but ya know, whatever. At least he didn't christen my car, right? Something to definitely be thankful for!!!
Just another day in the life of Mrs. Chattypants.

Wake Up Sheeple!

I turned off my TV and my radio today. I can't deal with the drama anymore. It makes me sick. It makes me afraid-afraid for my children and our life as we know it. I know I cannot put my head in the sand, so instead I am sticking my fingers in my ears, and chanting, "I can't hear you" over and over. Just for today. I am tired of hearing about job layoffs and reckless spending by our elected officials, corporate America and people in general. Tired of all the BS. When does it end?
How does one mom initiate change? I really don't know. My brain hurts from thinking so much. I guess I have been taxing that lone braincell.
Frustrated and having silenced the voices coming from my annoying media boxes, I started down my "I am grateful" list. Corny, I know. It changes my thought process, when I'm not quite on the track I want to be on. Plus, I have so much to be grateful for.
Today, however, it is not really working for me. And hearing my children laugh, giggle and tell about their day, I realize I have to take my fingers out of my ears and pay attention to what is happening around me. Ignorance, unfortunately, is not one of my best qualities.
Maybe it is not about spending anymore. Maybe it is about taking a good look around and taking stock of the important things in life. Our families, our time together and each other.
In our quest to keep up with the Jones, we have lost touch with what is real. No longer can we tell the difference between fact and fiction. Our addiction to reality TV is proof enough.
It seems, we don't even know who we are.
Who are you really? Do you honestly know the answer to that question?
Really, I'm a mom. I am a wife and a daughter and a sister. Those are just labels. Before that, I am a person. I'm a good person. I am loyal, trustworthy and a good friend. I give 110% to everything I do-from friendships, loving my family, work and even scrapbooking. Sometimes, I can even be overwhelming. Mike and the kids will attest to that. So will Sally.
But I digress.
Above all though, I am an American. I believe in freedom, love of country and most importantly, the ability of each person to pursue their dreams and have the freedom to make those dreams a reality. I believe in free speech, the right to bear arms and the right to choose-whatever. Pro-life, contraception, homosexual, straight-it doesn't really matter. That is what is so great about America. Anyone can be successful. All it takes is a dream and the will to achieve that dream.
For me, it is always about doing and being the best I can be. I try to be an example for my children. Am I successful all the time? No, but I keep plugging away. Failure is not an option.
So I sit and wonder why other Americans do not believe in these ideals. Why are they so content to let others determine their destiny? It is like they have been conditioned to let others think and make decisions for them. I am not scary smart. I just question everything. I want to know why. I want to know what the results will be and how will I be impacted. Is that wrong? I don't think so. It is about thinking and empowering yourself with information. Face it, no one can ever take away your knowledge. Ever.
Ignorance is a problem for me. I am not very tolerant of ignorant people. They frustrate me. And, they scare me. They've got their 3D shades on.
Sheeple.
My values and my beliefs define who I am. I believe in the power of the family, of love, perseverance and the ability to dream. I believe in my community and in the inherent good of all people. I know through education, a good value system and hard work, we can achieve anything. I also believe in giving back-whether it is financially or through our time. It is important to show we are grateful for the things we are given. It keeps the circle spinning.
Today, I got a wrench thrown into my circle. I did something and I'm not sure if I made the right choice.
While driving to pick up Mike, a man approached my car and handed me a slick, color 5x7 flyer, asking for money. The card simply read that his mom was sick and he and his three brothers needed money for food and rent. The flyer was also printed in both English and Spanish and the wording looked as if a foreigner had written it. There was a fuzzy picture at the top of the flyer of a family, but none of the people in the photo resembled the man who handed me the flyer. Again, the fact that it looked professionally done, expensive and slick did not sit well with me. Especially if he needed money. My spider senses were screaming. And the man, was obviously not a kid.
But what really bothered me, was the fact that he asked for the flyer back. My window was down and I guess he saw me study the flyer and then place it on the empty front seat. He was not rude or nasty when he asked me for the flyer back-just matter-of-fact. This did not resonate well with me. Because I believe in the inherent good in all people, I second guessed myself. I felt bad. Part of me wanted to say geesh, we need to talk to this guy. See what he needs and what is wrong with his mom. Maybe we can help him. Then, the jaded, not-so-quick-to-believe part of me, my spidey sensor, was saying hey, this guy is playing on your sympathies. He is gonna take you for a ride. That, is what our society has become-what we as a nation of people have become.
We don't question, and if we do, we're wrong. If we do question and we're right, we're still wrong. So what is the answer?
Truth be told, I really contemplated giving this man, this stranger, the last $2 I had. I am dead serious. It was my toll money and the only $2 I have until payday. I almost gave it to him. Because I want to believe. I want to believe that there are good people out there who are desperate, but who are willing to work to help themselves. I am there. I understand it. What I don't understand is the deception.
And I don't know if I did the right thing, or I turned my back on someone who needed that money more than I.
As Americans, as people, we have to re-create our value system, so we can fix what is wrong with our country. We have to start right here, at home, in our communities, with our friends and neighbors. That is, I believe, the first step.
My question, though, still remains. How does one mom, one person, make a difference?
My guess would be through change. For me, Obama's buzz words of hope and change inspire me. Not the context of what he said, but the concept of hope and change.
(Please. I may only have one lone braincell, but it works!!)
A new America, if you will. The true America that our founding fathers envisioned. The reason Obama brainwashed so many people, is because fundamentally, we know our American way of life is diseased. Greed, corruption and ignorance have done this. We let it. We do need change. Not exactly Obama's ideas of change, but a change in the way we live. How we do business and the way we govern. We are supposed to be the role model for other countries. Right now, we are doing a piss poor job of modeling exemplary behavior. We suck. We have become those other countries. We have become like France and Germany, where people do not want to be held accountable. Wake up sheeple!!
As a mom, I can make a difference. I can join together with other moms, other parents, other Americans and help make changes in our society, our government and how we, as a people conduct ourselves. At PTA meetings, on the soccer field, in the grocery store and yes, even driving. I could have made a difference today. I guess, we have to trust and believe that people can change. We have to take a chance and do the right thing. Even if it means putting ourselves out there. I have to do this for my children. I have to be the role model for them so they too can be free to pursue their dreams.
I hate politics. And I hate BS. Both are about power. Yeah, I know, "with power comes great responsibility." It sucks. Because I have to be a bitch to get things done. Especially since I do not do BS well. I tell the truth and I speak my mind. And I do what I say I am going to do. But watch out. I am also prepared. When I fight, I win. Always. Ask Monkeyboy's Very Scary Middle School principal. She'll tell you. She's a lawyer and I proved her wrong. I proved her staff broke the law and neglected their students. And I did it systematically. And I was right.
I always dot my I's and cross my T's. Just so you know.
These are just some of the thoughts running through my head today. I really am not sure where to start. Or how to rally the troops, so to speak. But I am not discouraged. I know the answer will come when I least expect it. And I know that I will do the right thing. I just hope that our president, the administration and the great people of our country will make the right decisions as well. That they take care to secure our nation and preserve our freedom. And that they arm themselves with knowledge. Information is powerful-it helps you to stay the course.
Maybe, I'll turn on my annoying media boxes tomorrow. We'll see. I may do better at the library.

God Bless the USA

Now, I really dislike discussing politics, but sometimes, I truly want to gouge my eyeballs out. Today, I read this article, President Takes in Rush Limbaugh in New Media War, on the Drudge Report, and it really ticked me off. Our president, President Barack Obama, said that we just cannot listen to Rush Limbaugh and get things done. He said, we, as American citizens, cannot listen to Limbaugh and get along with Democrats and the new administration. He is referring to "we" as the Republicans. Is he kidding me? Is he smoking crack or just delusional? Really now! What about the First Amendment President Obama? Did you forget that as AMERICANS we have the right to free speech? Yes, even Limbaugh. Oh, and so does Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Al Franken, Randi Rhodes, and every other American in this great country of ours. In singling out Limbaugh, you show yourself to be petty and un-American. It is a disgrace. As PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES of AMERICA, it is your freakin' job to unify our citizens! The office holds you to a higher standard because you are THE leader of the free world. It is your job to protect the American way of life, our rights and the Constitution. Maybe your flub up on Inauguration Day is just your true colors bleeding through.
Truth be told, many Americans ignored the warning signs. With friends like Jeremiah Wright, Reverend Lowery and Rick Warren, what do you expect? It is scary to look back and realize that the American people were duped. They let his hope and change rhetoric cloud their judgment, when they should have been focusing on their freedoms. Not on race, religion or on ethnic background, but on true American values. The foundation of our country.
They are in for a rude awakening.
Honestly, I am just disgusted. Disgusted and amazed that the President of the United States, our president, is debunking the First Amendment! Why, after all the campaigning hoopla, would he continue to divide? It makes no sense to me. He is the president, for god's sake! In essence, his mantra for hope and change is that through division, we will have change in the form of socialism. The government will decide the rhetoric we will be exposed to and will squash any free thinkers that dare to rise up and speak their mind. It seems Americans, in addition to President Obama, have forgotten what America really stands for. Division? Republican? Democrat? Hardly. Those titles do not define us.
We are Americans.
So again, how does President Obama, leader of the free world, get off by discrediting the very thing he is supposed to be protecting? He is creating we the sheeple!!
No, that is not a typo.
It is we the sheeple.
Maybe, we need the "American Ideals" channel, you know? Create a new channel, block all other programs and just broadcast documentaries on the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, the Bill of Rights, and our founding fathers, just for re-education purposes. Let us revisit the foundation that many Americans 1) take for granted and 2) have clearly forgotten. A little communistic, but you get my point. Viewing should also be required for President Obama, as he clearly has taken leave of his patriotism and the foundation the founding fathers created. We are now, seriously, becoming we, the sheeple.
We, the sheeple, are allowing our president and others to continue to divide our country. It is time to set aside political party, race and all the other crap and look at our country, the presidency and our value system from an American perspective. Because before we are Republicans or Democrats, we are Americans. We are the citizens-the people, of the United States of America.
I swear, I am feeling stifled by the constraints of socialism trying to choke the living crap out of me. With the transition of power, I was HOPING for patriotism, as well as change. For a love of America to re-emerge. Even though Obama was not my choice, I believe in the American electoral process. It is right and it is well-grounded. It is how we base our free society. Well, we got our change alright. President Obama talks about stimulating the economy, bailouts, free healthcare and basically giving government control over uhhh...everything. I don't think so. Where is the self pride or self worth in that?
Personally, my finances have been hit hard. My poor choices, intentional or not, are still mine. I do not want the government to bail me out or take from someone else to help me. I am working hard and keep plugging away because I know, that through my hard work, my dedication and both my failures and successes, I will achieve my goals. I see the bigger picture and this, really, is just a little detour on my journey. I have choices to make. We all have choices to make. Our choices directly influence our path.
So it is also with our government, our freedoms and the power we allow the people we elect to have. The sheeple have forgotten that ultimately, we as a nation and only we, have the power to enact change and create hope through this vehicle of change. Yep, we can do this through each other and through our unity as a country. Me, you, Joe the mechanic, and the rest of the American peons-the sheeple. Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Ted Kennedy and the rest of the Congress, are not in charge. Yes, as individuals, as Americans, they are part of the greater circle of influence. As politicians, they are looking out for themselves and the power they can wield. Control over you and me. I am not a rabble rouser, I am an American. I only want good things for we, the people and our country. I want to be able to hold my head high and know that I did everything I could to fight for the liberties and freedoms we enjoy and so many have sacrificed their lives for. That, my friends, is true independence.
Obama has been president for less than a week and already we see more of the same negativity and division. Does Rush Limbaugh really have the power to change or influence the way we do government? Hardly. Neither does Senator Clinton or Senator McCain. Not even Obama can enact change if we, the sheeple, don't give the power to him. But, President Obama seems to think so. He has to cast blame somewhere instead of stepping up to the plate.
Pretty scary stuff, huh?
So, it is time sheeple, to get off your arses and take a look around. The sheep herder is gathering his flock, and if we, as a nation, do not start thinking for ourselves, we will just be followers in the Socialist of America that we are quickly embracing. Clean out your ears, turn off that American Idol and start reading the documents that have made our nation the place where foreigners risk their lives for the freedom and the power of dreams. Start being a thinker and step away from the sheeple. Reclaim your power by being armed with your research and your own thoughts. Together, we can unite, stabilize our economy and keep our core AMERICAN values intact.

Mom Does Middle School

I have regressed. I have returned to middle school. Well, minus all the hormones. And ya know what? I don't like it one bit. Just so you know.
Monkeyboy started his virtual school today. Wow! Kinda, sorta blew my mind. What was I thinking? I think that's the problem, I wasn't. If he wasn't up my behind before, well, hello. Meet my new tween appendage!!
OMG!! I wanted to run screaming from my house today. Really, all I wanted to do today, was decompress from 4.5 days with my children and watch the new president be sworn in and rag on him in private. That's all. Instead, I had to deal with the Monkeyboy. I guess it's because I was ragging on President Obama. In my head of course. Sometimes, I would yell at my TV too, but we won't go there. The new pres must have had his negative thought goons out there listening to my every thought. A new spin on the Patriot Act, I guess. It's not that I don't like Obama, I don't, but I can put my dislike aside if I felt that America would be benefiting. Unfortunately, not trying to be negative here, I do not think this will be the case.
In reality, I think we are heading to a way more socialistic democracy. I know that's an oxymoron, but if the trend continues, we will be the new Russia. But, I digress.
So, the Monkeyboy started his virtual program today. I just completely took leave of my senses and forgot, clearly I did not have enough diet crack this morning, that he did not have one iota of a clue how to work the new virtual system. Did I mention that neither did I?
Well, nine hours later, I can truly say, I know what I am doing. I think. Now, I have to teach him. But, I must say, it is a very cool program. We checked out his Art class and it was pretty straightforward. He was pretty pleased with the assignments and we had to buy a sketchbook, a larger assortment of markers and a newspaper just to complete the first module. But he did it. On his own. After I showed him how to print all the things he needed out. Now, we just have to scan it, attach it and send it to his teacher. Tomorrow should be interesting.
We also checked out his Language Arts program. Well, actually I did. He just stood there, reading over my shoulder. He was done after our nine hour session of learning the ins and outs of the virtual educator. Needless to say, Monkeyboy was pleased that the new program was very similar to the one he was enrolled in, at his former middle school. They are also going to be reading a book that he was getting ready to start this week at his traditional school, so it works.
This morning though, we were both a tad-bit overwhelmed by the newness of it all. But after three diet cokes and a package of double stuffed Oreos, we were ready to rock. Well, at least I was.
Monkeyboy tried to be all sly and hang in the bathroom with his book under the guise of actually using the bathroom. Ha! I live with his father-the king of bathroom reading and procrastination! I was on him like flies on poop! Scared the living beejeezus out of him when I popped open that bathroom door and made him schlep back to his PC. No mercy for the bathroom dwellers, I tell ya.
He still has not learned. Do not mess with Big Momma. She will mess you up!
What I really like about the virtual program is the resources that are made available to the kids. They have access to electronic libraries, the Library of Congress, electronic magazines and so much stuff. It will take me a while to explore it all. Monkeyboy, in all his nerdiness, was just as thrilled as I was about the electronic library. I love books and learning. Monkeboy does too, just not the doing the work part. Whatever. It's what makes the world go round, I guess.
So, tonight I am mentally preparing myself for Algebra I Honors. I barely passed Algebra in high school and I am not looking forward to revisiting it. Maybe, Monkeyboy can teach me some math skills or two. Maybe we will both need a tutor. Or a drink. At least I will.
Sigh. I know once we jump over this hurdle, all will be good. So I am practicing my jumping moves and scarfing down some jumping beans to speed the process.
I am also stocking up on diet crack and Oreos to help ease the transition. Pray for us. Well, really for me. I'm the one with the tween appendage adding to my body mass. He is just the cling on.
Bring on the Educator!

Squeezing the Lemons

Since Tuesday was virtually uneventful, I've decided to come out of hiding and test the waters. I'm still in the house, though. That may change if Joe the Mechanic comes through for me. The upside is that he found my car key. That's a plus, because I only have one. Don't ask-way too complex to explain. But, for about 10 minutes, I was in a full blown panic because 1)I don't have $300 for a new key, 2) I really need my car and don't want to wait for a new key to be made so Joe the Mechanic can fix it and 3)did I mention that I didn't have another $300 for a new key? Plus, whatever it is going to cost me to have my car fixed-which is still up in the air, awaiting Joe the Mechanic's diagnosis and the tow cost. Yeah. Cars are overrated. If I wasn't so lazy, I would walk everywhere. Then, I would be thinner and well, maybe not feel so tired. Naahhh....not really. It would take me longer to accomplish all the crap I gotta do. And I would have to literally drag the kids with me. I don't think so.
So, since I have decided to give life another opportunity and make me some lemonade, from my not-so-great lemons, I have left my bed. Actually, Tinkerbell puked on my bed, so I need to wash the sheets-that's the real reason I left. Just kidding. Tinkerbell has been a good girl. I'm just messing with you.
Yesterday was the big Algebra I test for Monkeyboy and, drumroll please.....he passed. With a 74%. Pretty miraculous if you ask me. Especially since he only did a minimal amount of studying. And, he actually got a 70% in the class. By the skin of his teeth, of course. And with a whole hell of a lot of prodding, lecturing, screaming and threatening from me. Sometimes being a mom is just too much. I mean really. I went to school and my parents did not have to ask me if my homework was done and all that crap. I just did it. 'Cause I knew that if I didn't, my parents would beat the crap outta me.
So, Mike and I applied the concept of negative reinforcement to Monkeyboy this quarter. It kinda, sorta worked. Whatever. I'm sure we will have to continuously revisit and update that policy to maintain its effectiveness and all.
What never ceases to amaze me, though, is each quarter, the Monkeyboy manages to do a minimal amount of work and ends up with primarily A's. I know, I shouldn't be complaining. And I'm not, really. It just pisses me off that he waits until the last week of the quarter, to pull his little trick bag out of his ass and pull in an A. I mean, come on. Are his teachers blind or just stupid?
They already think I am crazy. Because I do not make excuses for my child or ask for special treatment. I want them to put their thumb on my children's head and do what needs to be done. But they don't. They are the spawn of the Golden Child, so they get treated as such. Much to my chagrin.
For instance, last year, Mike and I had a conference with Monkeyboy's teachers and I told them that Monkeyboy gets A's in their classes, but does no work at home. Except in math. Sometimes. They looked at me with this blank look because they can't understand why I would be complaining about that. Mike even had to explain it to them, so they would understand where I was coming from. It was quite frightening actually. Again, that thinker mentality comes into play and they don't like those kind of parents. Herd mentality. I don't like the herd, I want to be in charge of the herd, thank you very much. I'm a control freak-we lead, not follow. Just so you know.
So, basically, Monkeyboy is bored and gets good grades, in the honors program, with no effort. For him, there is nothing challenging about school. Math just makes him actually have to work, and he's not used to that. I have no sympathy.
And funny enough, at the conference, the first question his teachers asked Mike and I was, why are you here? Are you kidding me? How would you have answered? Right. They seriously couldn't understand why we requested the conference, because he is doing so well. Yeah. How about I like to be involved? OK. Again, they only want you involved when your kid is a problem child. And the funny thing was, I actually liked that group of teachers. They did have a clue, but were, unfortunately, jaded because of the parental expectations and general disillusionment.
But, I am getting off topic here.
At that conference, his one teacher told him that he should always do his best, but that his best was going to be different everyday. One day, his best would be of a better quality than the next. I think the man was on crack!!! I mean, personally, I like the guy. He is really a brilliant man, dedicated to his students and clearly, did not get to where he was by just doing his "best." His actions, after meeting and speaking to him many times, depict a whole different picture. So, why would he say that to one of his students? Parental disillusionment!
How about telling Monkeyboy, he should always do his best, and teach him to give 110% so he can excel in all that does? That sounds way better from an educator than just do your best, whatever it is each day, and you'll be OK. God help me!! Where is the motivation? The challenge? The self pride? Again, my mantra, just do your freakin' job and step away from the herd. Encourage independent thinking.
Herd=bad. Herd Manager=ability to make things happen.
I know, I expect too much from people. It is a serious character flaw for me. It does not make me popular. And just so you know, I have no tolerance for BS. I don't know how to pretend and I'm not very good at it. So, either I am straightforward, and you can deal, or you can't. I generally piss people off. Not intentionally, but it is who I am. I give 110% and I expect it back. I always try to take people's feelings into consideration before opening my mouth. That whole do unto others thing. I truly believe that. Sometimes, I mangle things. I don't mean too, but I do. And I have to make things right. But, on the whole, I am as real as they come and if your are prone to delusional tendencies, than we will probably not get along. I'm just sayin'.
Many years ago, I had a very good friend, who was brilliant for her years, but I was not at the right stage of my life to understand this. At the time, I would find her outbursts, when people did not meet her expectations, as a little embarrassing and frankly, quite unnecessary. Especially, since we would be in a store or restaurant and she would calmly and at first, very passively aggressive-like, give the offender a talking to. If by a bad judgement call on their part, they chose to ignore her or blow her off, she would unleash. It was not pretty and it almost always ended very badly for the screwer upper. (Another new word, by me. ) Because she was right. She didn't ever go off half-cocked and scary enough, looking back, she was right on so many issues. She was also crazy. I think this had a lot to do with her BS meter-it was always spinning wildly out of control. After my recent epiphany, I have to say, I love her. I am her now, twelve years later, and it is pretty freakin' scary.
Mickey Manic is one of the smartest people I know. Actually, maybe smart isn't the correct word. She lost her sanity way before me and was able to see through the BS, while I still had my 3D shades on. Now, that my sanity has completely up and left me and yes, it has even boarded up the door and been pad locked. I get it. People are inherently lazy and are always looking for something for nothing. They just want to coast through life, and if it means too much work, they are content to be an observer. So, in the words of my friend, Mickey Maniac, "If you would just do your freakin' job, we would not have these problems!" Exactly.
The reality is, however, my mommy battles are far from over. In fact, I think they are really just beginning. Especially with the other 2 coming up the pike. Both Panda and Mini Me are very different from Monkeyboy, as they have a take no prisoners attitude. They are cute, smart, engaging and very stubborn. That is how I grow them. It is why, I have undeniably reached the land of the crazies much sooner than I ever anticipated. Actually, I think I'm the ringleader.

Mama Bear Hibernates

If today is an indication of what my week is going to be like, I'm staying in bed. I'm closing my eyes, pulling the covers over my head and I am refusing to get out of my bed. Just so you know. If you need me, too bad. I'm hiding until next week.
I would also like to pose this question to the Universe-WTF? Those of you who know about the Secret, understand the concept of negative and positive vibrations. I get it. I'm being positive, reciting my grateful list and even interjecting that grateful list when a not-so-positive thought threatens to surface, so really, what is the universe trying to tell me?
Life happened today, in a really stressful way. Frankly, I am quite tired of life's little surprises. They come at very in-opportune times and it is really annoying.
It all began at 6:30 this morning. Panda cleaned out her backpack and handed me some papers from school. Among the papers, was a letter from the school speech therapist, or whatever she is called, requesting permission to test her for some speech idiosyncrasies. Whatever. I am not in denial, but I don't see her having these supposed speech issues. The kicker, however, was the verbiage on the letter. The legalise of the letter was asking for permission to do a complete evaluation-psychological, vision, and so forth. Are they kidding me? Why would I give permission to the school, who does not have a certified psychologist or psychiatrist to administer a test to my child, that could potentially impact my daughter's academic career? They are on crack. Not happening. I would never allow the school to do any kind of psychologically testing without the test administer being qualified to do that kind of testing. Unbelievable.
So, I called the school. I spoke to the speech specialist and questioned her about the paperwork. She advised me that the testing was only for articulation. I was very frank with her, and stated that even though I was not a professional, I did not see those specific speech errors that she indicated Panda was making and would probably not be giving permission for any kind of speech testing.
Having been through this with Monkeyboy, some time ago, I was unsure of the process at that time. Now, however, I know I have to be a mama bear and protect my children from the school. With funds being cut, they are needing new "customers" so to speak, to receive funding. With Monkeyboy we had the same issue and it was a major battle to get him out. I never thought that I would have to monitor the school and how it operates because we should be able to trust the educators with our children. Sadly, that is no longer the case. It is about money, numbers and passing them through. As a parent who is involved in my children's education, I have found that the school, regardless of what it says, does not want you to be involved. They want parents to be sheep and just allow their children to follow the herd. This scares me. I am a thinker. I teach my children to be thinkers and to learn as much as they can. It seems, schools do not advocate thinking. They teach to the common denominator and if your child has a problem, they do not try to help fix the problem, only further handicap the child. It is so sad.
I think, if we give our children the tools they need to succeed and teach them how to uses those tools, they will overcome the issues they face. This is beneficial not only for them, but the school and our society as a whole. Right? Not.
I have found, that this is apparently, not a popular thought. This pisses me off. It's like the school and our society are purposely fostering dependence and helplessness. I refuse to do that. As a former teacher myself, failure is not an option. It is over the wall, through the wall, under the wall or around the wall. Anything can be fixed with hard work, a positive attitude and the desire to succeed. I did this for the children I taught. I did it not only because it was my job, but it was the right thing to do for the children.
As a former teacher, I believe it is the teacher's job to facilitate this kind of learning. But, it is not happening and our kids are paying the price. Nobody wants to do their job. And it is not just at Panda's school, it is everywhere. It is our society. How sad is that?
It seems that most often than not, we use medication and labels for children who really do not need those kind of services. it's just easier. It's a copeout. With hard work, dedication and the will to succeed, the teachers and we as parents, have the power to help our kids. It's our freakin' job!
As a teacher I have done this and as a parent. Panda is my personal example, that with hard work and a will to succeed, all children have the ability to overcome obstacles. All they need is a good support system. Not a copeout. And frankly, (this probably won't make me too popular, but that has never stopped me before. I guess it is why I consider myself to be a thinker. ), I think many parents today, are too selfish and can't be bothered. It is easier to let the school do their job, so they have someone else to blame why Johnny can't read. So, since they are not up to the task, the school steps in and becomes the pseudo parents. It is disgusting. And it pisses me off. I am not scary smart, nor perfect by ANY stretch of the imagination. Just saying it like it is. It is time to refocus our priorities as a society.
Okay, I'm done. I actually walk the walk and don't just talk the talk.
Bottom line, I am not interested in the socialistic aspect of our school system. At least not in regards to my daughter. It will only hinder and handicap her. As her mom, I will not allow that to happen. I actually do my job, thank you very much.
After my initial panic, and resolving Panda's paperwork issue, I had to relieve my stress. Those of you who REALLY know me personally, will know when I am stressed out, I bake obscene amounts of treats. I make cookies, cake, chocolate chip banana bread, you name it. It's the only thing I enjoy doing and can do it reflexively and take my mind off of my problems. Some people clean, spend money-nope, I don't do any of that. Instead, I bake. And since there is usually some kind of chocolate involved, it makes me happy. See my post from January 6th, The Power of the Dark Side, for the medicinal power of chocolate.
But really, what made me REALLLLLLY want to hide out, was my afternoon drama. My day really kicked in when I went to pickup Mike from work. We currently share a car because life happened and other one died. Whatever-it is what it is. So, while driving to get him, my car just turned off. Yep, it turned itself off, locked up my steering and I coasted. Thank goodness I was not on the highway and only on a surface street because we probably would have been hurt. I am a speeder on the highway, so it would not have been a good situation.
Now, I know car manufacturers put in safety mechanisms for a reason. However, a little warning so we can actually be SAFE, would have been nice. A dummy light or something. Sometimes, I actually notice lights flashing on my dashboard. I'm just sayin'.
Luckily, I was able to coast my car into a turning lane and after spending a couple of minutes searching for my hazards, which by the way, I now currently know where they are, flipped them on and sat there panicking. Did I mention that I was also not in a very nice section of town? So my anxiety was in overdrive (no pun intended) because I had the kids with me and it was not a good safety situation. Thankfully, two really nice guys came over and pushed my car, which is only four years old by the way, across three lanes of traffic and into a gas station. I was so grateful! It could have been way worse than it was.
So I called Mike to give me the bad news.

Me: Hey, it's me. The car died.
Mike: What do you mean the car died?
Me: It died. It turned off while I was driving and now I'm stuck. With the kids, in a crappy part of town. And we have no money to fix this stupid car and I am really tired of God's little lessons. What he is trying to teach me? How to deal with stress? I am a freaking master!
Mike: OK, calm down. We'll figure it out. I'll call you back. Call Joe the Mechanic. (His name was changed to protect the innocent.)

FYI-I have known my mechanic for 19 years. I have his number memorized.
I used to have the number for the tow company he uses memorized too, but since the "new car" came on scene, have not needed him quite so much. I think he misses me. I am sure his business is missing my money. But I digress.
So, I called him. Can you guess what he told me to do? Tow the bad boy, because the safety mechanism had turned the car off and it was not going anywhere. Yeah, I had already figured that out. That's what $80 right off the bat? Whatever. And in the words of Volunteer Mom, this too shall pass. I'm not sure I believe her right this minute, but I will give her the benefit of the doubt. So, I took a deep breathe, closed my eyes and had a conversation with God again. "OK God, what are you trying to do to me? I am already on the edge and I am clearly not grasping the life lessons you are sending to me. Can we try a different approach? Please?"
Guess what? He didn't really answer. Am I surprised? Not really. Just had to get it out there.
The upside to the towing was that the tow guy was really sweet-he tried to figure out what was wrong with my car so he would not have to tow it. As my friend Sally says, I am the Golden Child and for some reason, when I need help, it seems that people reach out to me and help. I don't do anything special, trust me. I am just my open, honest and very sarcastic self. They must pity me. Looks definitely have nothing to do with it because I am overweight, my hair is generally got the wind blown look (well, messy if you must) and I am usually dressed in stay-at-home-mom gear-a t-shirt, crappy shorts and sandals/old tennis shoes. I must either look desperate or really close to a breakdown. Whatever. I totally appreciate the effort.
So, the tow guy tried, but was not able to figure out what the problem was. I emptied the car, put the kids on the sidewalk by the convenience store and watched him hook up my car to the tow.
As I am trying to figure out how we are going to pay to have the car fixed, I glance over at Mini Me and Panda. They were kicking their soccer ball they rescued from the trunk around and just as I was about to tell them to stop, the ball goes flying into one of the gas pump lanes. As Mini Me goes to retrieve the ball, a car comes flying around the corner almost hitting him and I freakin' snapped.

Me: What are you guys doing? I told you to hold the ball, sit down on the sidewalk and wait for me to finish with the car. Am I speaking English? Do you not understand the words coming from my mouth? Leave the ball. I will get it for you. Just sit down, close your mouth and wait. Do not utter a sound, do not go anywhere, do not move. Not one inch.

Since I rarely get psycho on them in public, they actually listened. Good thing. Cause I couldn't guarantee they would make it to Tuesday, if they didn't. Ya know what I mean?
The tow guy left, at the same time my neighbor and Mike showed up. Apparently Mike had been trying to call me to tell me he had borrowed his parents' car, but I ignored his calls to deal with the tow guy. By the time I touched base with him, my neighbor was pulling in and Mike was waiting for the light to turn so he could pull into the gas station where I was.
I felt bad, because had I known Mike had a car, I would not have needed to bother my neighbor. Whatever. So, I let my neighbor take my kids, I went with Mike and we went home. To get ready for soccer practice, eat dinner and do homework. Yep, just because little surprises flare up, life still happens. It totally sucks.
Ultimately, I guess the universe was much nicer than I originally thought. It could have been nicer though, but we won't go there. I guess my grateful vibrations helped negate some of the bad crap. Whatever.
Now, generally what happened today normally, would not send me over the edge, but the last six months have been extremely trying. Lots of life happening all at once and kicking my butt. My faith and my failure is not an option attitude keep me putting one foot in front of the other. That being said, I am still very much considering staying in my bed, lights out, covers pulled up tight, ignoring everyone until next week. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better and I'll change my mind. We'll see. I make no promises.

Tempes Fugit

Lately, I have been contemplating many things. The most intriguing is time. How does one manufacture time? I am not trying to get all philosophical here, I'm just desperate for a way to create more time. A way out of the constraints of time. A time creator plan, if you will. If I could figure that out, I would be a freakin' millionaire. Let me tell you.
I am so over time, the concept of time, not having enough time, being on time, being late, (I'm never early, so that's not an issue) and time, time time. Shut up already. I hear my clock ticking from the moment my eyes open, while I'm sleeping and as soon as I get into bed and close my eyes. It never stops.
tick, tick, tick.
Kind of like my thoughts...on and on...it is driving me crazy!
I wish I could bottle time, open the bottle and let a little come rushing out and then quick, close it up. This way I could finish one complete task, stop and then start back up again. Time, is my worst enemy.
I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster. What a great new idea for Disney! The Time Coaster! Ride the Time Coaster and you can do it all-in 10 seconds or less. Kind of like one of those infomercials hawking crap you really don't need.
Oh, and by the way, whoever said being a wife, mother and work slave was a little girls dream was seriously messed in the head.
There is nothing dreamlike about my life as mom, wife, hausefrau, work slave and general CEO. Sometimes, it really sucks.
I feel like I am being sucked into the dark tunnel of the time sucker. Can I just have a short reprieve? Please? See, I even used the magic word. How about it?
If I could get more than 4 hours of consecutive sleep, I would be way more conducive to my crazy schedule. I am to the point where I feel guilty going to the bathroom without my phone (did you really need to know that?), book, notebook and whatever else it seems I bring into the bathroom. I usually have two phones with me, my cell and the portable. Plus, then the business line or my work line is ringing. Phones suck too. Damn Alexander Graham Bell. What was he thinking?
And if I could, I would bring my laptop into the bathroom. Way more productive use of my time. But, I'm never in there long enough or by myself to type so it would be useless.
I love my family, but they suck more energy and time. Then there's work, being wife to the husband and the house cleaning, the dreaded laundry, the pet walking. By the way, I am also tired of Chewy pooping in my bathroom because I oversleep to 4:45 am instead of walking him at my usual 4:30 am. The skinny rat dog has the audacity to lift his leg, pee and then squat on the bathroom floor and leave me a present, if I am late. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE. Yep, get rid of the dog.
But that only solves a minuscule portion of my time issues.
I need at least two consecutive weekends off to accomplish all my house stuff without feeling guilty about not working. If I could do that, I might, just might, catch up.
Now that I am blogging, that is another time sucker, that although I am addicted, has to be factored in to my hectic life. As well as my presence on Facebook. That is also seriously addicting. Haven't graduated to Twitter yet, but I am working on it. I gotta learn how to use it and we all know how fast my head spins when technology is involved.
I have also been toying with the idea of writing a book, but I just don't know where to find the time. In addition, I am trying to lose weight, exercise and cook something other than mini corn dogs and mac 'n cheese for my children.
And I have like 4 other money making ideas that I would like to bring to fruition, but I am running on empty by the time (there's that word again) I can even entertain those thoughts. Did you know that I have some really great ideas?
Everytime I come up with a cool idea, someone else takes it because 1) they DO something with the idea and it actually leaves their head, 2) they have the money to make the idea happen and 3)they can take the TIME to work out any kinks and make the idea work. Do you see a pattern here?
I'm not mad, because it's not like I told someone my idea and they stole it. They just had the same idea and acted upon it. I am not a slacker. Just overwhelmed. Overworked. And seriously, underpaid.
My time is valuable. It is so precious, that when I am in my car, alone, I close my eyes, turn off the radio and just sit there. Sometimes, the cell phone will ring and disturb my silence. I usually fling it, but I like to hear my Daughtry song when the phone rings, so I will just let it ring so I can hear my song. I know, I'm weird. Whatever.
You must like me or something, because you're reading my blog. Oh, and by the way, thank you for your time. I bet no one ever thanks you for your time. I appreciate the time people spend reading my blog, helping me, chatting with me or just being with me. It is a choice and I bet if more people were thanked for their time, they would give more of it. Pretty nifty concept, huh? I try not to take anyone's time for granted. It's too precious. So thanks. Thanks for reading my blog and listening to me bitch. I don't feel better, but not so much like I want to kick the dog. Not that I would ever do that. Chewy, poop and all, is one of my babies. He just pisses me off. So does Mike, the kids, my customers and just about everybody that sucks up my time. I'm still pissed off. Just so know. And I'm just trying to get Sybil and her 27 sisters under control so I can leave my cave and not go psycho on my family. I don't want you to have to see me on the news or anything. Unless, it is about the tremendous readership I have going for my blog. Yeah, right.
This now concludes my time rant. I will, however, leave you with one final wish-may you always be in control of your time so you can screw the time sucker.
End of rant.

Boycott Socialistic Schools!

Yesterday, I got a brief and very painful look at what life with a tween girl is going to be like and frankly, I do not want to be me. I am thinking I will probably become an alcoholic. Or need a direct line to a therapist. Seriously. My daughter, at seven, is already got that whole mood swing, never forget anything you say and tears at the drop of a hat thing going on. It's PMS at seven. I really don't think I can handle another female's PMS, when I can barely handle my own. Thank goodness God saw fit to give me only one daughter. He knew how close to the edge I would be. She is the only member of our household that can bring me from zero to psycho in less than 10 seconds. My mother has this ability as well, so she must have inherited this gene from my side. I should have listened and done the genetic testing.
Okay, so yesterday, Panda was going on a field trip to a performing arts center to see a play. Generally, when the kids attend this trip, they are told to dress up. Meaning, girls wear dresses and nice shoes and boys wear nice collared shirts, pants and dress shoes. Easy, right? Wishful thinking.
On Wednesday, the local weather forecasters put a little snafu in that plan because they said it was going to be chilly. According to my children, the school made an announcement over the PA system that it was going to be cold and they needed to wear long pants, sweaters/sweatshirts and wear a jacket. Thus, negating the whole dress and sandals thing for the girls. Now, some of you may be saying, why would a school have to make that announcement-it should just be common sense. Unfortunately, here in South Florida, some people are slacker parents and their children need to be told, so they can parent their parents. It's sad, but true. And just so you know, since we are in Florida, and it is 83 degrees out, spring clothes are perfect for this time of year. Usually.
Well, the slight weather snafu caused a big ruckus in my home and frankly, I'm a little ticked off at the school. Are they kidding me? They make an announcement like it is going to be 40 degrees out and that the kids had to dress for a snowstorm. Hello! We live in South Florida!! Ultimately, it ended up being like 76 degrees out and melty hot. My word, I made it up.
But again, I digress.
Now, my daughter, who has my anxiety issue, freaks out because now, she CANNOT wear the dress she had picked out. Girl drama, I tell ya! I tried to reason with her, told her that that is was not going to be that cold and she could probably still wear the dress, but she was having no part of it. Pouting, crying and generally freaking out because HER TEACHER SAID, they had to dress warm. I wanted to shoot myself, ok?
So, trying to be patient and loving, I trekked myself over to Target Wednesday night, in search of a winter-like dress she could wear to school for this trip. Yeah, right. I definitely took leave of my senses. What was I thinking? Since I'm living in South Florida, where it is warm almost all year round and Target had only what out? Girls spring sacks. Yes. Sacks. Ugly, sack-like dresses for 5-12 year old little girls. Very old lady-like. Oh, and they were short sleeved, light and cotton. You get the picture. So, there was no dress buying there.
Even the shoe department only had black and brown shoes, no sandals or spring colored shoes. I bought an ugly brown and pink pair of Hanna Montana closed-toe shoes in the hopes of convincing her to wear her brown pants and pink top. THAT went over like a lead balloon. So, we went through her closet and came up with a pair of black jeans and a pink long-sleeved Disney Princess top with rhinestones for the buttons. Cute, not too dressy , but not too casual. Perfect for the field trip.
The shoes, however, were a problem.
She outgrew everything within the last month and I hadn't replaced anything because there was not a whole lot to choose from. Plus, I was waiting for the shorts and spring clothes to come out, since we really have no use for the winter stuff.
That being said, I dragged Monkeyboy, Panda and Mini Me to Target at 8 am on Thursday, in search of shoes for Panda to wear to match her clothes. I seriously think there is something wrong with me. Am I crazy? Don't answer that.
Are all girls like this, or just mine?
So, in Target, she instantly found a pair of white sneakers, with rhinestones that she was content with. It was the only pair and it happened to be her size. God was totally helping me out here. He knew I was hanging by a thread.
I grab the shoes, Panda tries them on, and miracle upon miracle, they fit. Yes!! I said a silent prayer that went like "Thank you God, now I don't have to kill her or me. And I don't have to go psycho on her in public. I am very grateful for that. Thank you so much!"
We grab the shoes and start to make our way to the register. Panda rounds the corner of the shoe department and yells, "Hey mom, look at these shoes!"
I was cringing, but I turned around and checked out the shoes she was admiring. They were cute-very pink, sparkly and screaming loud.
Panda: "Look Mom. They are sooo cute! And they match my shirt!"
They were also on sale.
So, I let her try them on. She loved them. They matched her outfit and they looked better than the sneakers. We bought them. And the sneakers. Don't get me started on that.
We paid for the shoes, the Target lady cut the tags off and Panda put the shoes on her feet. Then there was a pause.
Panda: "Mom?"
Me: "Yes, Panda?"
Panda: "They're too big."
Me: "How can they be too big when we just tried them on and they fit perfectly?"
Panda: "I dunno."
Me: "Take the shoes off so I can check the size."

She was right. I must have mixed up the shoes when we were deciding which pair fit her better. Against my better judgement, I sent Monkeyboy back to the shoe department to find the right size. I then went to customer service and explained I needed to swap out the shoes; that I had picked up the wrong size and my son was going to get the correct pair. Thankfully, the lady was nice or else I think I would have lost it. Oh, and by the way, it was 8:30 am. Panda has to be at school by 8:50.
Monkeyboy comes back with the right shoes, we try them on for good measure, swap 'em and leave. We start walking in the parking lot and Panda stops, adjusts her feet, stops, adjusts her feet, makes a face and then is like, "Mom, can I wear the white sneakers today?"
Oh my God-I went psycho! Right there, in the Target parking lot, for all to see.

Me: "What the heck are you, crazy? I mean, really, Panda. You drag me to the store, we find two, two pairs of shoes to wear, I buy them, you say you LOVE the pink ones and now you want to wear the white ones on the field trip?! What is wrong with you? You are driving me crazy! I haven't even had my diet coke yet, and I am trying to be reasonable, but you are clearly not."
I gave her the glaring, indignant, I am gonna take no prisoners look.
Her answer?
A sigh.
And then, "Well, Okaayyy. I'll wear the pink ones to school for the trip. Can I wear the white sneakers with my High School Musical shirt Grandma got me from Christmas tomorrow? And what about if I go out to play, at school today? My shoes might get yucky."
Me: "Fine, you don't want the shoes to get all yucky. Put your Vans in your backpack, wear the pink sparkly shoes on the field trip and when you get back to school, you can put your old Vans on to play out at recess, OK?"
Panda: "Oh, okay. Can I still wear my white sneakers tomorrow like I just asked you?"
Me (gritting my teeth and not holding back an exasperated sigh): "Yes! Now please, just be quiet until we get to school. I can't take anymore."

I quick-like drop Monkeyboy off at the bus stop, race Panda and Mini Me to school and then my daughter does the sweetest thing, which is why I do what I do for her. She gets out of the car, says "Bye, Mom. I love you." Waves and blows me a kiss. I love that kid. Anxiety and all.

Oh, and just so you know. When I picked the kids up, it was 76 degrees out, Panda and Mini Me were complaining how hot they were and could they change into shorts and a t-shirt?! Yeah, I rest my case. She could have worn the spring dress and we would have all been happy. The darn school people had to go and get all involved in my parenting. I told the kids "Ignore the weather advisories from the school. Since they are not weather forecasters, they don't know what they are talking about. Leave weather reports for the news and since I watch the news, I can usually make good decisions about the type of clothes you need to wear so you will be comfortable, OK?"
That was the end of the discussion.
Clearly, a case of mom knows best, eh?

And the Winner is...

As parents, we face the task of raising our little people to grow up and become respectful, well-educated, fun, loving and personable individuals. Unfortunately, there is no rulebook to help us with this process-it is a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants operation. And, at times, a very overwhelming operation. We, as parents, always want to do the right thing for our children and want them to have and be exposed to the things we did not have. It is a difficult job, trying to steer someone else's life, when in reality, you are simultaneously steering your own. As a result, things can get pretty hectic and sometimes downright crazy.
With my dissatisfaction of Monkeyboy's middle school being well known, I have been exploring another avenue of educating my children. Virtual school and homeschool. I am not yet a fan of homeschool, because for me, I feel that I would be doing my children a disservice. I am not dedicated enough or disciplined enough to be the sole person responsible for my children's education. That may seem like a copeout, but I am not confident in my own self, to give them, everyday, one hundred percent of my time and educational instruction. I just do not think I have it in me. Nor, do I have the patience. It would not be beneficial for them or me.
Mainly for me, because I suffer from anxiety and depression. Being on call 24/7 and having to create or supplement a curriculum would completely overwhelm me. I would not be providing them with the best educational opportunities for their continued success. I can control my anxiety and depression on a regular basis, but add the pressure of homeschooling to my regualr chaos, and I would constantly feel overwhelmed. That alone would drive me over the edge. I recognize this about myself and am able to admit that this is not an option for me to entertain. No delusions here, huh?
So, after doing the research on homeschooling, my focus changed to virtual school. In Florida, we have several options. For Monkeyboy, the county program is the best because he is still receiving the same general coursework as the students in his traditional school. Meaning, since his classes are at an advanced level, he can maintain those same classes that he is taking now and still be on the same track if he decides that virtual school is not for him and wants to return to the traditional school environment.
Thus, on Wednesday, Monkeyboy and I went to orientation for the virtual school. This was a big step for me. As a former teacher, I am very big on education and do not want to do anything that will academically harm my son. Since it is virtually an unknown, (no pun intended), virtual school is a big step. I am not a risk taker. I have a plan A, B, and C for everything. Depending on how you view this, it can be both positive and negative. Positive because I always have a backup if things do not go as planned, but negative because it seems I am always looking for something to go wrong. I'm not really. I just like to be prepared. Or the operative word is in control. But in reality, at least for me, it seems the more I try to be prepared, the more I lose control. So, I can honestly say, the control thing is not working for me. And just so you know, I am also anal retentive. Another strike, I know. Yeppers. I am secure enough with myself that I can publicly admit this. Whatever. But a change is coming. This time, I have decided that I am going to throw caution to the wind and just make a decision, stand by it and not second guess myself. Which, by the way, I'm very good at. It's why it took me so long to actually start blogging. But I digress.
So, Monkeyboy and I went to this orientation, and I was surprised that there were not more children there. Only about 12 new incoming full-time students were present for this exciting opportunity. Exciting, because it seems like a much more effective means of time management,. Instead of spending 8 hours a day in school, Monkeyboy will be doing 3-4 hours of schoolwork a day and have time to pursue other interests. For Monkeyboy, this is good because even though he is in the advanced classes, he is bored. He does not put a whole lot of effort into his schoolwork, and except for Algebra, gets good grades. Challenged, he is clearly not. By restructuring his schooltime, we are looking to help Monkeyboy develop other interests and continue to foster his love of learning while challenging him to become a more independent learner. Sounds hokey, but true. Lately, Monkeyboy seems to have developed an interest in making his own video games. We are trying to foster that and do some research to help him out. He is doing his own research to learn about the software and computer hardware needed to begin this process. I have started to check local municipalities for classes on video game making that a 12 year old can attend. As a traditional school student, this is something Monkeyboy would not be able to pursue because he is in school from 9:30-4:30 each school day. Plus, he has an extra half hour each way for travel time. In essence, restructuring his day, will allow him to pursue other avenues of interest, which will help him decide on a potential career path.
Or it may not. It may all backfire in our face. But, we won't know unless we try, right?
The Monkeyboy also loves animals. Mike and I suggested volunteering at a local vet's office or at an animal shelter, so that is clearly another interest he can pursue. Except that he does not do blood or deal well with watching others get shots. Might be difficult, but his plan is (for right now) to be a vet. Gotta be able to poke the needle and deal with blood, or ya can't be a vet. Know what I mean?
So, basically, virtual school will give him some opportunity to experience real life jobs, utilize skills for those jobs and some real life training. Like traditional school, he will have to learn to interact with people of all ages and the appropriate behaviors for casual and the real world. More education. He will also still be able to still be a kid and listen to his MP3 player,watch videos and play video games. He just will be way better than me. So, if he likes virtual school and does well, he can also graduate early from high school. Thus enabling him to pursue his real interests sooner. Ultimately, however, that is up to him. All we can do, is give him the tools.
With that being said, it is looking to be a potentially good move for Monkeyboy. Hopefully, he will step up to the plate and be able to meet the challenges of a virtual environment. It will be a great lesson in discipline, personal responsibility and effective time management. It will also foster independence. All the things, that as parents, we cannot actually teach our children. These are the skills they must learn on their own. It is hard letting go, but I know that by letting him go, I am giving him the tools and the permission to become the person he will be. It is how the circle is completed.
As a mom, this is a new road that I am traveling. It's kinda scary and a bit overwhelming. For the last twelve years, I have been driving the train and now, I have to provide the instruction so my son can learn to steer. I hope that I have done my job well enough and he will rise to the occasion. At the very least, it will be a learning experience for us all. I'll keep y'all posted on the events as they occur. I have no doubt that it is gonna be a wild ride!

The Power of the Dark Side

With the kids back in school, Mike at work and the holidays finally over, I am feeling a little hung over from all the jolly-jolly, ya know what I mean? So, as my friend Sally likes to say, I have been decompressing. Sometimes I can decompress by just listening to some music, reading or by chatting with one of my friends. Sometimes, I need a little help. Like now. Since I'm not really a big drinker and I don't do drugs, I turn to the next best thing. Chocolate.
Chocolate is a girl's best friend. Always. It doesn't give you advice, it doesn't say, eat me and you'll regret it (even if you will), and it doesn't judge. It is just delicious and it fixes everything. It's cheaper than a therapist and better than...well, you know what I mean. Now, I know that I am not the only female out there that believes this. I have had this discussion before with Sally, Photo Chick and many others, and we have decided that chocolate has medicinal value. For instance, when any of us get together, instantly someone will ask for one of two things-either diet crack or chocolate. On very rare occasions, someone will ask for some kind of general junk food with the code words being "Ya got anything to eat?" Whatever. It is a loaded question, with many meanings. But most often, it is about the chocolate. Chocolate with friends makes the world a better place. We can eat candy bars, cookies, brownies, cake-it doesn't matter. Instantly we start chatting and the chocolate high takes over. Ahem, I mean the exuberance. Yep, that's what it is-exuberance.
Despite the fact that chocolate is full of sugar and calories, and by eating it, I will gain some pounds, I really don't care. It makes me feel good and it makes me happy. And when I am with my girlie friends, we enjoy our chocolate together. Which is why we are there in the first place, to be together. The chocolate is an added bonus.
Even Panda, my seven year old daughter, understands the power of chocolate. When I asked her why she likes chocolate she said, "Because it's sooooo good." Enough said, right?
So, with those words from my dear daughter, I leave you with Panda's picture-the look on her face says it all. Now, go have some chocolate!