Clothes and My Crystal Ball

After listening to Panda sigh, moan, follow my every step throughout the house for the last two days and generally act like another one of my appendages, I gave in and took her to the mall.
Instantly her crankies went away.
Whatever.
It was pouring when we left and hurricaning by the time we got to the mall.
Yeah.
Apparently this mall trip was destined to be, as I was able to find a spot close enough to the entrance and we were able to haul ass from the car into the mall and remain relatively dry.
Hmmm...guess my good karma button was pressed in and working, eh?
Since our last mall visit, it seems my daughter has decided that toys are no longer as cool to look at as clothes.
While we were in the Disney Store she was gushing, yes, gushing, about the Little Mermaid and Tinkerbell clothes they had on sale. "I just love this top", she exclaimed to me as she droned on and on about how cute everything was.
I had to keep from snorting.
Three months ago, she would not even have given those clothes a second look. If I had asked her opinion on any of those tops, she would have rolled her eyes and told me they were fine. Now, they were "so cute."
Yeah. I think I see rough waters ahead.
Bye-bye Disney toys, hello tween girl with a clothes fetish!
Her fascination with shoes is still going to be my biggest money sucker. Panda has loved shoes since she was like two years old. Remember my post about her shoes issue?
Well, my friends, it is definitely spiraling into a true passion.
Every store we visited had to include the shoe area.
In the Disney Store, she was totally fascinated by the flip flops that were all sparkly and girly looking. She really liked them until she realized they have that toe divider like all flip flops do and put them back. She does not do the toe divider thing because she says it hurts when it rubs against her toes. OK. I get that. I'm not all that into flip flops with toe dividers either. But I definitely could see her weakening under the sparkles and cute shoe designs.
We actually escaped the Disney Store without buying anything.
Total miracle both for her and me.
Panda was bouncing when I told her I had to go into Payless to look for some shoes for me and the Monkeyboy. She was like "Can we look at the girls shoes?"
She was so cute that I gave in.
While in Payless, Panda fixated on a pair of Hanna Montana shoes she just had to have. They were too big and luckily, nothing else caught her eye. But trust me when I say, she looked at every pair of shoes in her size.
My eyes were rolling back in my head as she examined each and every pair. Ugh! Clothes shopping does nothing for me.
Just so you know.
I was finally able to get her out of that store by convincing her to go to GameStop to look for the PS2 Rockband 2 game for our family video game night. We were looking for a used copy, but neither of the GameStop stores in the mall had a used version of the game.
We were almost home free when some cute tween rock star shirt caught her eye as we passed the store Justice. After checking out the rock star shirt, she detoured to the back of the store where the shoes were displayed. Immediately, she found a pair of cute, black high tops with rainbow colored peace symbols and turned on the puppy dog eyes.
She was all trying to convince me that she HAD to have them because her little second grade friends from school had them and she NEEDED them for when school started.
Yep, she NEEDED them.
I NEED a lot of things too. Rainbow, peace sign high tops were not high on my list.
I was like I do not think so. You will need to talk to Daddy about that.
Just so you know.
Those same shoes?
$30.
Yeah. I mentioned her needing a job soon.
OK, back to Justice.
Never heard of it before our mall excursion.
It is clearly a tween girl's paradise.
And can you say 80's flashback?
Bright 80's colored clothes are back in style meaning neon clothes, layering and well, lots of interesting clothes. And Panda was going nuts over all the really cute clothes.
This was one of those times that I was glad she wore a uniform to school.
I also had a brief look into future clothes buying adventures with my daughter and I shuddered.
Have I mentioned that I am so not the clothes freak?
To add to my misery, Panda was entranced by the Jonas Brothers video and a video from the iCarly chick playing in the back of the store.
Sigh.
Please shoot me. I am so not ready for this tween stuff yet. At seven, I was thinking about Barbies and playing outside with my friends. Not clothes, shoes or the boy bands of my time. Well, at least not until I was 13.
So feeling a little freaked out about the clothes and shoe fetish, I yanked her out of there quickly, before any cash left my pocket and we ran to Build-A-Bear where she could spend her gift card and I could be happy.
Before we got to the bear store, we ended up in FYE to see if they had Rockband 2. They didn't, but I did get suckered into forking out $5 for a mini Bull dog Webkinz because well, it was easier to spend $5 for the Webkinz than $30 for those peace lovin' high tops.
I gotta pick my battles.
By the time I dragged her out of FYE and into Build-A-Bear I was really ready to go home.
Our quick trip to Build-A-Bear had turned into a shopping expedition that I was totally not prepared for.
At Build-A-Bear, Panda found the High School Musical bear that she had been jonesing for.
Truth be told, the sparkly pink unicorn was absolutely adorable, but Panda had her heart set on that HSM bear.
Personally, I was all over that sparkly pink unicorn, but hey, that's just me.
Panda loves the color red and the HSM bear was brown with red feet and came with a High School Musical dog tag necklace. Apparently the sparkly pink unicorn did not have the appropriate coolness factor for my daughter.
I was so bummed. It was way cuter than the HSM bear.
Anyway.
After finding the perfect bear, it was time to visit the fluffer machine.The guy who was running the fluffer machine tried to convince Panda to get the music or heartbeat thing to add to her bear. She was like, "No, I don't think so. I don't do noise."
Yeah.
I had to fake a cough to stifle my laughter at her little attitude.
The guy running the machine was like okkayyy and quickly stuffed her bear so we would leave.
Yep, the crazy dude stuffing teddy bears was trying to be all nice to Panda and she was a little weirded out by it all. Can't say I blame her. He was very strange and to be fair, he didn't do anything. He just gave off a really hinky vibe and Panda and I both were a little leery.
Ignoring the fluffer man, she picked out some matching High School Musical clothes, beach sandals, hair accessories and some white sparkly shades for her bear, which she named Panda by the way, and we finally were able to actually go home.
And the best part? It didn't cost me a dime.
I love gift cards.

Memories of a Musical Legend

While the story of Michael Jackson's passing exploded, I was rocked by sadness. Sadness that such a talented music-maker was no longer with us. Sadness that his children will grow up without their father. And sadness that no more music will come from such a creative genius.
Being that the media has oversaturated us with Michael Jackson and the details surrounding his hospitalization and ultimately his death, I have decided to pay tribute to him as a talented and phenomenal musician by posting the videos of some of my favorite Michael Jackson songs in his memory. Hope they bring back as many memories for you as they did for me.

One Big Turd

Lately, I have been feeling very anxious. Like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. And funny thing is, it is not so much in my personal life.
It seems the cause of my anxiety is the irresponsible behaviors of our elected officials and their blatant disregard for accountability.
This disregard for accountability allows our elected officials to make decisions that are not good for us as a whole. To further their agenda. We have seen this with the stimulus package, the housing market, the wall street greed-mongers, corporate America and now, it has taken root among those that are supposed to be working for us and for our kids.
And it seems these elected officials are not doing their job. They are allowing legislation to pass without actually reading it. Thus, putting the integrity of the Constitution and our core American values in jeopardy. They are gripped by the "me" syndrome and not with doing the right thing. In not doing the right thing, they are impeding the success of our country and of its people.
They are creating a country of dependents.
And we-you and me, are allowing it.
My anxiety is a result of seeing the impending train wreck and not knowing how to stop it.
My thought is that I am just a mom. How do I pull the brake and stop the train?
As a single person, I am powerless to stop this train wreck. As a group,
I know there is weight in numbers and I have been racking my brain to come up with practical solutions to solve the downward spiral our country is in. I don't believe in causing a ruckus to get the message heard. I want practical, peaceful, real-world solutions that actually fix the issues the country is faced with before America is no longer recognizable. Solutions that transcend party affiliation because both have their own agendas. Realistic solutions that are about people, the American people.
The future of America is grim. Insurmountable debt, poor healthcare, rising energy costs and a country that has lost faith in its people is distancing us further from the America you and I grew up with.
This is not acceptable to me.
I want to maintain our American independence and contrary to what some elected officials believe, this does not make us arrogant Americans.
Americans are proud.
They are proud of the hard work, determination and sacrifices that have been made in the name of freedom by other Americans for America. We should not be ashamed of our capitalistic society because it is about ingenuity, creativity and hard work.
Core American values.
We call this the American way of life where the ability to live your dreams is limited only by how hard or how smart you are willing to work.
I am disappointed.
Disappointed because our elected officials have let us down. I am pissed off because we the people have allowed these elected officials to follow their own agendas instead of what is right for their constituents. We are always too busy, too tired or don't have any time to get involved and they have capitalized on our lackadaisical attitude.
Sigh.
And I am just as guilty as the next person.
The time has come for change. Real change, practical solutions. Not that hopey-change crap we have been fed.
I want to fix this. I want to hold these officials responsible for their actions. I want to maintain our American democracy because America is the leader of the free world and the rest of the world looks to us for answers.
And I want answers.
I want to step up to the plate, but I don't know what to do. Or how to do it.
So my question is, as parents, how do we protect our American, capitalistic way of life, from individuals looking to involve the government in very aspect of our lives and those of our children? How do we make our elected officials do right by the American people and keep our fundamental values intact?
Maybe someone can help shed some light on this for me. Maybe someone has an answer that I am not seeing or haven't thought of.
A real answer.

The Pits of Hell

It was 99 degrees yesterday in South Florida.
Yeah.
Way too hot for my liking.
I did not venture out of my house except in the wee hours of o'dark thirty and then again in the evening.
Only to buy donuts, but that is another story.
Anyway.
Being that it has been so Africa-like hot out, the kids and I have been hanging in the house,
in the loosest clothing possible, with the shades drawn and giving off that underground cave vibe. But with Africa-like temperatures of course.
Which is fueling an already present case of cabin fever.
Can you say cranky?
Finances are tight, so we are trying to find cool, indoor, and cheap entertainment. Unfortunately, cool, indoor and cheap are not synonymous with entertainment.
So, we upgraded our Netflix subscription and are becoming home dwelling recluses.
And we have been watching a lot of TV.
One show in particular that seems to enthrall every member of our family-why, yes, even Mike-is iCarly.
Yep, you read that right.
Our favorite show is iCarly. Now, Mike will never admit this publicly, but I will do it for him. He loves it. And so do the kids.
He might just kill me for exposing his secret. Depends on how much ribbing he gets. Definitely worth the effort though.
I'm just sayin'.
Back to iCarly.
We watch a good 2 hours of iCarly a day.
With our eyes open in fact.
It seems that it is one of the few TV shows that all three children agree upon. And how sad is that?
Sigh.
I must say, it is even a bit funny and hokey at the same time.
I must be suffering from heat stroke.
My favorite episode so far has been when big brother Spencer got hooked on the game "Pac Rat", which was really a spin off of "Pac Man" and he keeps playing the video game, neglecting a sculpting job he was contracted to do.
and this episode, we have seen twice already.
Can you say too much TV?
Anyway.
It kinda hit home and made me feel that maybe, my addiction to Scramble, on Facebook is not healthy. Especially when I am avoiding doing the laundry or the dishes.
Why do housework when I can sit on my behind, in my cave, playing word jumbles all day? It IS the lesser of two evils.
And really, no other video game (well, except my plug n' play Spongebob Game and Centipede) has commanded my attention like that game. I play for hours. And the saddest part is that my high score is 56.
Huh.
How about that?
I may have been an English major in college, but apparently my forte is the ability to find three and four letter words all jumbled up. Anything larger than that comes once every 10 boards. And the three minutes is not nearly long enough.
Was that too much information?
I'm sure.
Summer is really kickin' me into high gear this year.
Video games, Facebook and iCarly.
Next we might have to break out Rockband and Guitar Hero to help pass the time.
Which is not too promising a diversion as none of the members of my family can carry a tune and the constant banging of the drums and strumming of the guitar way off key gives me a headache.
Ugh!
I feel like I am revisiting my middle school years. I didn't enjoy it then and this little trip down memory lane is making me need a drink.
Or at least some adult interaction where there is cold, blasting arctic-like air blowing from every vent.
I think I am hallucinating.
Is it time for school to start yet?
Please. Come. Save. Me. From. The. Pits. Of. Hell.
And bring Popsicles. The cherry kind.

The Real Father's Day

Happy Father's Day!
Yep.
Always late I tell ya.
Actually, Mike was bustin' his groove yesterday, on Father's Day, so he did not get to hang with his peeps.
That means me and the kids.
Sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes not. Yesterday, however, he missed out on some interesting family interaction.
Like the argument with my mother over forty year furniture that I no longer need.
Yeah.
See, a couple of weeks ago we acquired a "newer" used couch and said couch is a sectional and takes up pretty much the whole room. Thus, the end tables are really not needed.
Now Panda, all excited about our "new" sectional, wanted to show my mom how cool it was that the whole family, including the four furry beasts, could all fit on this couch.
Now, my house was trashed and really, against my better judgement, I let my daughter lead my mother into the house to check out the holy couch.
I must have briefly lost control of my senses.
Panda proudly told my mom how much she loves our new couch and how it takes up the whole room, yada, yada, yada.
And then still obviously not thinking, I mention that we will be getting rid of the end tables.
And my mother completely freaks on my ass.
Yeppers.
Right out of left-field I am hit.
Whhhaatt?
And even though it doesn't quite fit in our house, she feels I should keep the furniture because it is a good piece of wood and blah, blah, blah.
Now, I am not doubting the quality of the furniture. It is good quality, but they are junk collectors in our house. Meaning they have mail, toys, library books and whatever else finds its way into the house, but doesn't really get past the front door area, on them.
I am trying to get my peeps to put their things away, not allow them to commandeer my furniture as stuff holders. And there is no room in my living room for them.
And my mother can't seem to understand that. Our house is only 1100 square feet, with 2 adults, three children, four furry beasts and all the crap a family needs and actually HAS to live life.
Really, she just sees me committing an unforgivable act of giving the family 40+ year end tables (sans the coffee table, as my children sometimes eat their meals off of it) away, coupled with the fact that I am just throwing away good furniture.
And they are not even from her side of the family. They used to be in the basement of my dad's mom and dad's house in New York. They are also no longer with us.
Oh, and did I mention that I am really not throwing the furniture away?
Nope.
I am giving that 40+ year old furniture, to my cousin, thank you very much. On my mother's side of the family.
Yeah.
Who absolutely loves the furniture. And will take care of it and appreciate it for what it's worth.
It is not, I might add, sitting by the curbside, awaiting my big trash day.
Which is really the other alternative.
So, clearly not grasping my mother's end table issue, I offered to give her the furniture.
She was like, "I don't have room for it."
Okay, and neither do I, but I am supposed to make room for said end tables because they are good furniture even though we can't walk in the room?
I think I must be wacked.
Right?
Or is it my mother?
I'm just sayin'.
After that little pissed-offedness (been awhile since I made up a new word) occurred, we moved on to another subject-the Father's Day meal. Which unfortunately Mike and I missed because we were working.
My children however, were invited to spend Father's Day with my parents and celebrate by going out to eat.
Knowing this, I called my mother Saturday to discuss what time her and my dad would be picking up the kids and where they were going so the kids would be dressed appropriately.
My mother told me she would be picking up the kids between 1-2.
I then asked her where they were going to eat.
She told me she didn't know yet.
Which was fine, I just wanted her to understand that I needed to know where they were going so I could dress the kids appropriately.
Again she said that she didn't know and not to worry because the kids are always dressed fine.
Please re-read the sentence above because you will need to recall that specific information.
Do you see where this is going?
Probably not, as only in my family would something this asinine occur.
Sigh.
Apparently, I did not express myself clearly enough.
Some places they go to are more fancier than others and I wanted my children to look nice. And I assumed that since she was my mother, she understood this.
Movin' on.
That was Saturday and for the record, I did not hear from my parents again until they picked up the kids on Sunday. Thus, I assumed the restaurant they were going to was casual.
Word of advice, never assume.
At least not when it comes to my family.
Anyway.
After our furniture spat, I noticed that my mom was more dressed up than usual (she had on a new outfit) and quickly changed the subject to where her and my dad were taking the kids to eat.
She told me the name of the restaurant and I got a little pissy because they were too casually dressed for that particular restaurant.
And I could tell by her facial expression that she was not too happy with what the kids were wearing.
Sigh.
Do you remember that sentence I asked you to re-read and commit to memory?
Insert here.
And for the record, the boys were wearing longish jean shorts, polos and sneakers. Clean sneakers. Panda had on denim capris, a sleeveless top, with sparkly pink shoes and her hair done all nice.
All were clean and freshly manicured.
They were even happy.
Whatever.
I had to work and they had to go, so they went as they were. I unfortunately did not have the luxury of additional time to make everyone change and explore the whole clothes issue.
And to refresh your memory again, I made the phone call Saturday to purposely avoid this kind of issue.
And just when I think they are going to leave, my mother asks the kids if they had lunch.
Hello?
I just looked at her.
You know that blank look? Well, surely that was the expression on my face.
Now please tell me why, if my children were being picked up between 1 and 2 in the afternoon and being taken to a restaurant, would I feed them lunch?
Please 'splain that to me as I am surely missing something.
Really.
So, not wanting to start argument number three within a ten minute time span, I very matter-of-fact-like told my mom that I had fed the kids a late breakfast so they would not be too hungry or too full when it came time to go to the restaurant.
Oh, and did I mention that she right at that moment told me the reservation was for 4pm?
Apparently, I was not in the know.
Even if they are my children and might require sustenance three times a day.
Yep.
Nothing like a bit of communication to be sure that those around you are aware of the pending details.
I then proceeded to ask her if she wanted me to feed them and they could come back for the kids or if were they going to feed them.
My mother hesitated and seemed surprised by this question.
Ummm...wtf?
Finally, she was like, well, I guess we can get them something to eat.
Okay?
This is the excitement my husband got to be free from.
Family freakin' drama.
That totally could have been avoided with a little communication and fore thought to other people.
Am I being harsh?
No.
This is life with my parents. After all these years, I cannot understand why my psychic abilities are lacking.
I mean shesh! I apparently was not digging deep enough into my mind to see the future.
And trying to compensate for my sub-par mind reading skills, I tried to be one step ahead by contacting the people who were going to be with my children and get their agenda so as to make everyone's life easier.
My bad.
I should just not think too much about it, be wrapped more into myself and my own wants and needs, and not give two shits about being accommodating because being accommodating gets me nowhere right quick.
And it is still all my fault anyway.
Mike is so lucky.
He was already at work and spared all the fucking drama.
Good thing I am not into self-medicating or else I would be in a hospital.
Or dead.
The plus side-I worked, had an hour to myself, didn't have to cook and my peeps came home happy.
Today, we will celebrate Father's Day with Mike and be happy in our sloppy summer clothes, sitting on our "newer" used couch and hanging.
All of us-me, Mike, Monkeyboy, Panda, Mini Me, Fatboy, Smokey, Tinkerbell and the psycho barking mutt, Chewy.
Just the way I like it.

One Lovely Blog Award

Happy Friday everyone! I am rip-roaring ready to announce this week's winner of the One Lovely Blog Award.
This week's recipient is a blogger I have been following for some time. I cannot for the life of me remember how I stumbled upon her, but once you start reading her posts, you will definitely see why I keep coming back for more. Brittany is so funny, that when I am feeling a bit down and out, I read her posts because they just make me laugh. She is outrageous and takes transparency to a new level. Her post Extra Postage had me wondering how candy, church and wedding gifts were related, but after reading it, I have decide to revamp my gift giving traditions and cast aside the gift registry. Her idea is more creative and ahem...satisfying than anything on that gift registry.
Trust me.
Brittany is also the proud mama of a beautiful baby girl and I must say, she is all pink, baby girl cuteness! In her post, Afterbirth, she details the postpartum reality that is her life and seriously, as a woman and mom, who cannot relate?
I know I am taking my sweet old time announcing this week's winner, when you could already be checking out her fantastically, hilarious blog and laughing away, soooo, I will shut up, and say

Congratulations
Barefoot Foodie

you are this week's winner of the One Lovely Blog Award!

Now, the rules state that the award winner must select 15 other bloggers to receive this award. Brittany can either allow her readers to leave a comment with a link to their best post and help themselves to the award or she can do as I did, and select the 15 recipients, tag 'em and present them with the award. Whatever she decides will be perfectly awesome!
So, if your looking for some serious hold-your-belly laughing, check out Barefoot Foodie and I promise, she will not disappoint!

The Unschedule

The lazy days of summer have taken over. We no longer have a set schedule for anything.
Sigh.
I think I am lost.
The kids have been going to bed at like midnight and waking up at 9am. Sometimes even as late as 10 or 11. So, our whole day is kind of shot. We have been eating our meals at unusual hours and frankly, I am not liking it one bit.
And they are driving me crazy.
I NEED my alone time.
Plus, I NEED my schedule. It keeps me sane.
Can you see why my daughter has my anxiety problem?
Wonder where she got it from?
Hmm....
Obviously, chaos is not working out too well for us.
As a result of our unschedule, I have not been working, blogging, or hell, even cooking. Plus, our a/c is still in the crapper and it has been too warm to hang in the house, so we have been finding other places to be during the heat of the day.
Yeah.
This has been real productive to my wallet.
And my laundry.
So, last night knowing that I needed to get my family back on a schedule, we all went to bed by 10:30. Everyone but me and Chewy, the psycho barking mutt slept.
Chewy barked.
All. Night.
And I was awake.
All. Night.
But, not to be discouraged, I got my happy ass up today at 7:30 and started my day as usual. Shower and internet.
Then I have to do breakfast and go to the store.
And THEN, it will be take back the house.
You know, that would make a great reality TV show.
It would be too real I think.
The mom that tries to regain control of the laundry, the house, the toys, the animals and the clutter. Hmmm...we already do that without the cameras. And cameras may not be such a good thing.
Look what happened to Kate.
All those psycho parenting groups admonishing her for spanking her child.
Please.
THOSE people need to get a grip. And try having more than one kid.
My three are pretty good, but can you imagine 8?
And if you don't have a discipline system in place, you are really screwed. Know what I mean?
It is what's wrong with society today. Kids never learn the limits because there are never any clear lines drawn for them to follow. Not to say that they have to be spanked or have the heck beaten out of them. Not at all. But sometimes, a spanking is in order.
Maybe if more children were spanked, and I did say spanked and not beaten, they would behave better. And maybe if parents were stern with them, instead of trying to reason with them, today's kids would not be so out of control.
My favorite line, especially to my tween, is "I am not your friend, I am your mother. I love you, but I will not tolerate any misbehavior on your part. If you don't like it, there is the door. Find someplace you will have it better."
No lie, that is what I tell my children.
So all this media hype about, "Oh my god, Kate just spanked her kid," is total BS.
How about we worry more about the parents doing crack in front of their kids and neglecting their needs? Eh?
I know, makes too much sense.
Okay, so now that I went off on my little tangent there, I'll get back to, no, TV cameras would not be a good idea in my house.
My kids are good, but sometimes, they need discipline and well, it gets taken care of. Whether verbally, with a smack on the behind or with some sort of privledge taken away. Rules, in our house, are enforced.
OK, back to the schedule.
So, today, I am hoping by re-instating the schedule, I can resume control of the crazy farm and reign everyone in. Myself and Mike included.
Oh, and Chewy the psycho barking mutt. He needs to be reigned in the most. Or given some doggie valium or something.
Sheshh!
And keeping with the schedule, I am sucking down my Diet Coke and chocolate to get the momentum going of course.
I let you know how it goes.

One Lovely Blog Award

It is time again to select the newest recipient of the One Lovely Blog Award. I have been reading this particular recipient for awhile and absolutely love her blog simply because I can so relate to her stories. She makes me laugh, nod my head in agreement and one time, I even snorted when reading one of her posts. Thank goodness I was alone at the time.
This blogger is THAT funny.
Her life, in many ways. mirrors my own and makes me feel not quite so messed up.
Must be the three kid syndrome.
So, now, without further ado, I would like to announce this week's recipient of the One Lovely Blog Award...(shake those maracas baby)....Congratulations

Kristen of
We are THAT Family!

Now, the rules state that the award winner must select 15 other bloggers to receive this award. Kristen can either allow her readers to leave a comment with a link to their best post and help themselves to the award or she can do as I did, and select the 15 recipients, tag 'em and present them with the award.
So check out We Are THAT Family and let Kristen know what you think of her blog!
Enjoy!

Life Lessons For The Tween

Tuesday Monkeyboy began his life skills training with his very first class.
Grass Cutting 101.
He actually did really well for his first session and learned a new skill to boot.
Mike and I couldn't have been prouder.
Or more amused.
In fact, he learned first hand about manual labor and how it is not as easy as it looks.
He thought it was going to be a piece of cake.
Yeah.
What a reality check.
Have I mentioned lately how much I enjoy watching my son do manual labor?
Or how much joy I took in watching him sweat in the Africa-like heat and then taking a water break to complain how tired he was?
Yep.
That folks, is real entertainment.
It was actual pretty freakin' hilarious watching him push that mower around in the yard. It kept stalling because a) Monkeyboy kept letting go of the handle and b) the grass was REALLY high. Like high enough that when Minnie, the puppy from across the street, tried to walk in our grass, she got lost.
Seriously now.
In fact, Tuesday there was a reprieve in the afternoon downpours we have had for the last 20 days, so Monkeyboy was actually able to cut the grass and actually finish the job.
Right away, Photochick called me cackling away, after she saw Monkeyboy out there in his camo hat and clothes, mowing the yard, all red-faced and sweaty-like.
See what a little exercise and heat will do to ya?
She was in fact laughing so hard, that I had trouble understanding what she was saying.
Aww, hell, I was laughing too.
And being neighborly, I offered up his services to her.
Yep.
I have no shame.
I told her he would just love to mow her grass and if she needed him to do it, he could start just as soon as ours was done.
She however, is way nicer than me.
She felt bad making him mow the grass in the heat, since he started our lawn in the afternoon, with the Africa-like temperatures.
I, however, being his mother and being subjected to continual tween and soon to be teenager eye-rolling, felt no remorse or empathy.
What-so-ever.
Just so you know.
But, I didn't want to break any child-labor laws, so I allowed him to wait until Wednesday to mow Photochick's grass.
So, yesterday at 7 am, I began the wake-up process.
THAT went over really well.
Twenty minutes later, after much yelling and finally threatening to cut off his internet access, he rolled out of bed to walk my furry beasts.
THEN he proceeded to crash on the couch.
This mom, however, was not deterred.
She woke his lazy arse up and made him get dressed and prepare mentally for his second grass-cutting class-Avoiding Obstacles In The Grass 102.
In this early morning class, he learned the basics of mowing around the sprinkler heads, plants, trees and so forth.
It was beautiful watching him push that mower around all those obstacles.
Have I said that yet?
And Photochick?
She was right happy and darned near peeing in her pants when she saw him out there. Mini-Photochick was watching from the window, and was entranced with Monkeyboy mowing her grass.
In fact, once he was done, she told her mom, that Monkeyboy had done a good job.
Too funny, I say.
In addition to the life skills Monkeyboy obtained, he received additional edumacation in Finance 101.
Once he completed Photochick's lawn, she actually paid him.
How about that capitalism, I say?
Oh and just to clarify, we did not.
But I digress.
In Finance 101, Monkeyboy learned about overhead and Uncle Sam.
That $20 bucks he got?
Well, that helped pay for gas for the mower and taxes. He got lucky in that the mower was borrowed and there was no rental fee.
His first lesson in how hard you can work and how quickly it gets eaten away by other costs.
Overall, he came out with $16.
And the lesson he really learned?
Life sucks.
And money, well, manual labor may not be the way for him to go.
I'm just sayin'.

Got any stories of life lessons you have imparted to your children? Would love to hear them! Tell me all about it and leave me some comment love! Can't wait to hear your stories and maybe get my creative juices flowing for other 101 classes!

The Bestest Motha Ever

My new title is no longer just mom. According to Panda and Mini Me, my new title is "the bestest mother ever."
Yep.
Music to my ears.
Guess I should enjoy it while I've got it or at least until they turn 12. After they turn 12, the compliments end and I am no longer cool (just ask Monkeyboy).
Even though I am.
I'm just sayin'.
But, I will wear it proud I say because that title is very hard to come by, and since the title givers are so fickle, very easy to lose.
Now, I am sure you all are just dying to know the reason I have been queened "the bestest mother ever"(and no, that title can not be confused with the "bestest motha ever").
Saturday, the kiddos and I were on our own as Mike was working a double shift at the nudie bar. We tried to get Chewy groomed 'cuz he was looking like a tan mop, but alas, that did not occur. He didn't have a valid rabies shot, so we had to wait until he was done having his manhood chopped and could receive a new prick.
A pin prick that is.
Which by the way, just so happened to be today. So, now the little tan, furry mop has had his manhood snipped and received multiple pricks to make him legal. As I write, he is in a woozy, drugged induced state.
Lucky him. Wish I had had my manhood parts chopped. Just to be woozy of course.
Yeah.
But I digress.
So, we came home, dumped him with the other furries, and then Panda, Mini Me, Monkeyboy and I went to the movies to see "Monsters Vs. Aliens." It was pretty good, for a kid movie. I, of course, got suckered into popcorn, candy and drinks and yo, that was lunch. Nothing but the best nutrition for my little peeps.
After our movie, Panda and I went to purchase a new harness for Chewy, as he needed a new one. His Florida Gator harness was all faded and yucky. We cannot have him tarnishing the Florida Gator name like that. He has to wear his blue and orange proudly, thank you very much.
Panda picked out a blue harness because they had no University of Florida ones available. Unfortunately, he really needed a new one, so we had to go with what was in stock.
We'll have to keep our eyes out for a new one.
Panda and I then scoped out some pizza and went home to share with the boys. It was yummy and well, anything I don't have to cook is yummy. It is especially more yummier if I do not have to wash the dishes after. And that is where my paper plates, plastic forks and red plastic cups come in very handy.
Yeppers.
God bless plastic!
After we scarfed enough pizza to feed a small army, we rested.
Duh.
All that eating wears you out ya know.
And after a sufficient rest period, it was ice cream time. We were going to hang in Dairy Queen, but mother nature decided to unleash a small hurricane on our asses, so I schlepped to DQ and purchased our ice cream via the drive-thru. And thank god for that drive-thru or else I would have gotten blown away, thank you very much.
The things us "bestest mothers ever" have to do for a little praise.
So, you see, movies ripe with candy and treats, (aka lunch), pizza, and then some awesome delicious ice cream goodness from Dairy Queen earned me the title of "the bestest mother ever."
I am so cool.
And I know that you all are so jealous!
But only one mom can have that title, and well, dammit, that'll be me.
So, all you "mothas" out there, take a few lessons from me and maybe, just maybe, your children will present you with the "bestest mother ever" title.
You should be so lucky.
Word out.

The Third Winner Of The One Lovely Blog Award Is...

It's Friday and time for another One Lovely Blog winner! This week's winner is so pee-in-your-pants funny that you will need to either wear a diaper or get one of those port-a-potty things to replace your chair. She is freakin' hilarious and you will love her posts about The iPhone Boyfriend's Guest Post-that was so funny that I spewed my diet crack all over my screen. She also has a great portrait of Adam Lam"bark" on her site and talks about her role as Mrs. Adam Lambert and the impending birth of their twins. Congratulations, Cheri of Blog This Mom!, you are this week's winner of the One Lovely Blog Award.
Now, the rules state that the award winner must select 15 other bloggers to receive this award. Cheri can either allow her readers to leave a comment with a link to their best post and help themselves to the award or she can do as I did, and select the 15 recipients, tag 'em and present them with the award.
So without further ado, check out Blog This Mom! and leave Cheri some comment love!

Boredom Is The New Good

The last day of school ended without a hitch and only a few tears from Panda. She will miss her teacher, but now she gets to spend the next 2 months with me!
She is so lucky! (eyes rolling out of my head).
I'll let you know next week who is really the lucky one.
Had car issues AGAIN yesterday.
God, I am so tired of having crap go wrong with that car.
Seriously now.
This is the fourth time in the last four months that we have had an issue with this car and frankly, I am done.
Chrysler sucks.
Well, at least my 2005 Chrysler Pacifica sucks.
Royally.
Yesterday, while taking the kids home from school, I was driving down the road and the damn car stalled on me.
Again!
While I was physically driving down the road.
It just stopped.
Making matters even worse, the steering wheel locked up and I wasn't able to steer the car. I came within about a foot from hitting a VERY large, concrete utility pole. Monkeyboy was in the front seat freaking out and I was trying to remain calm. Inside, I was thinking, "Oh my God, I am gonna hit that freaking pole and we are all gonna be electrocuted!"
Yeah.
That was just one of many thoughts passing through my oh-so-over-stimulated brain.
After I stopped my hands from shaking. I tried to start the car again. I couldn't get the car to start right away and finally after multiple requests to God, my car started. Thankfully, the kids and I were able to arrive home safely.
Today, at o'dark thirty, Mike and I brought the car into the mechanic. We shall see what he finds. Yesterday, the check engine light came on. I was ecstatic because maybe NOW they would have a diagnosis.
That was way too optimistic of a thought.
Today, the check engine light was off and I am not too confident that a diagnosis will be as apparent as I had previously thought.
Time will tell I guess.
Say a few prayers for me today that 1) it is able to be fixed, 2) that it is fixed correctly and 3) that it is not expensive. Could you please say that prayer in that exact same order?
Needless to say, our summer vacation has started with a bang and hopefully will not be as exciting as it was yesterday.
I am not really all that into excitement, umm...'kay?
Boredom is the new good.

On a more positive and financially appealing note, Panda has selected the winner of the Dunkin' Donuts gift card. We wrote all the names down, folded up the papers really good, swirled them around in a cup for like 3 minutes straight and then she picked the winner. She had a blast and I of course, did not even think about taking a picture of it until after. She, however, was not down with that because she had her pj's on and didn't want the picture of her in them on my blog. What can I say-she's a little on the vain side I guess. Anyway. The winner of the Dunkin' Donuts gift card is.....(drumroll please) Sheila!!!! Yay!!!!!!
Now she can head over there and get her some chocolate donuts for her chocolate fix!! Congratulations and thank you Sheila for taking the time to read and respond to my posts! I appreciate it more than you know!
Next week, I will be having another giveaway. It's a secret for now, so be sure and check back next week to find out all the details!
Happy Friday!

Hurricane Season Cracker Style

Well June has arrived and you know what that means? Hurricane season baby!
Yeppers, for the next six months, anytime a large rain cloud forms, we here in South Florida will be notified. Day and night. Makes ya wanna move here right?
Thought so.
My panic has not yet started, but that is only because there are no waves or tropical depressions hanging out in the Atlantic.
Yet.
Now even though I am a New York transplant, technically I am a Floridian. I have been here 31.5 years and since I only spent the first 7.5 years of my life in New York, I think it is safe to say I am more Floridian than New Yorker. As my cousin in Staten Island says, I'm a cracker.
Whatever.
Us crackers definitely know how to prepare for a hurricane. Chips, cookies, beer, some hard liquor, movies, video games, books and portable DVD players, TV's and gaming systems.
WE, my friends, are in the know. And we know how to deal with hurricanes.
It's the other crap we gotta deal with.
Like having two days of rain, high winds and family members shoved up your behind. All of whom are hyped up on sugar and tired of being confined to a small linen closet.
Or watching every forecast with South Florida being in the "cone of death." This is really called the "cone of uncertainty" which means they certainly do not know where it is going and if they try to predict it, it WILL be wrong.
Seriously.
Now, this is not usually the case for the National Hurricane Center as they are not the "sky is falling" people. It's the local media and the local politicians and/or leaders looking for some air time and they create what I like to call "wishcasting anxiety."
Yeppers.
This is anxiety caused by the people who are just wishcasting that storm right into our backyard, even when it is 5 days out and clearly going into the Gulf of Mexico.
Whatever.
Us crackers, we just ignore the hype and kick back with a beer and watch all the talking heads interrupt our sports, soaps and games shows for hurricane "forecasting" days before the storm is even threatening land.
Come on. I know you just wanna pack up your stuff and move here so you too can share in the joy that is Hurricane Season.
Funny thing is, growing up hurricanes were not a big deal. Everyone put some water in pots, containers and filled their tubs. Some even bought canned food.
And this was the norm until Hurricane Andrew came and whooped our ass.
That was the wake up call us crackers received on so many levels.
We got that "gotta be prepared" loud and clear, but it seems that was also the aha! moment when the media and the people needing to show their mug on TV got their bright ideas on how to capitalize on hurricane season for ratings and their own personal gain.
Us poor crackers, we just gotta deal with these wackos and their hurricane preparedness ploys to commercialize mother nature.
But being a cracker, we are hospitable.
Yep.
We take care of our own. And because I am mighty crackerish like that, consider this a public service for all you people living in a hurricane prone area.
Contrary to popular belief, the following is a list of hurricane "essentials" that you will need to survive during and after a storm. It is by no means complete, however, reflects how us crackers deal with this mother nature business.

1. Batteries are essential. Buy 2 packs of every kind-C, D, AA, AAA, and those big ass lantern volt batteries because if the power goes out, they will come in handy. Those of us that live in South Florida, we have Florida Power and Light-they suck. Our electricity goes out on a cloudy day with a slight breeze so be prepared to be without power for at least a week. Or three.

2. Generators and gas for the generator and the car are important as well.
Of course, these can only be used AFTER the storm and not during the 100 mph winds. Keep this in mind,because if the generator is chained down to a large tree, the tree may still be there, however, the it may be on top of the generator. Rendering the generator useless. Problematic after the storm when powering up that chain saw to cut it down is prudent, but there is always a work-around.
Gas is important also because before and after the storm people will stand in line for HOURS just to get some so they can drive to the blown out Home Depot and buy a non-existing generator and fill it with gas after the storm.
Oh and those 25 gallons of gas we got stored away?
That's to power the generator.
Yeah. you read that right.
And those same Home Depot dwellers I mentioned? They also like to drive around in their trucks and check out other people's storm damage.
I know, hurricane season just brings out that inner cracker in all of us.

3. Foods of the comfort kind.
Now is not the time to stock up on lettuce, milk and say ice cream. Eat all that stuff while watching the media hype and of course during the storm. Once the power goes out, it's toast. Or whatever. Stock up on lots of water, chips, cookies, candy and any other comfort foods the family will eat because that will be ALL there is to do during the storm when you are all shoved up in that linen closet and after the storm when the roads are impassable and there is no electricity. Eat, I say. Oh, and any meat in the freezer, should be BBQ'd at the block party immediately following the storm.

4. Ice, lots and lots of ice. Did I mention the ice?
This is a necessity to keep the beer and the BBQ meat cold after the storm. Trust me, these are the two main survival items needed after days of rain and loud things smacking into the side of the house. Nerve calmers I say. We must protect that which will help us cope.

5. Shutters or something to protect the windows.
And no, masking tape is not considered a good item to protect the windows. Us crackers know this first hand. We used this during Hurricane Andrew and when the windows still broke, we decided to try a different method of protection. One that actually stopped the flying debris from cracking the glass and impaling Rover. So, get those shutters and plywood ready because they offer some protection from mother nature's PMS party.

6. Entertainment is also key to surviving a storm.
Us crackers visit Blockbuster the night before a storm and rent out all their videos because we know there will be no cable and no satellite-got to have electricity for that.
And know what else?
No late fees.
Sans electricity, no open for business and no late fess. We are free to watch those movies over and over for the weeks following a storm.
We also purchase adapters for the car (well, because we have about 25 gallons of gas sitting in our garages or on our patios to run that generator-duh.) to hook up DVD players, laptops, portable air conditioners, fans, portable TV's and radios. Hey, we know how to ensure our creature comforts are taken care of. Some of us more well-off crackers have whole house generators. Unfortunately, I am not one of those crackers. I must live like the lowly cracker and have the generator chained to the downed tree, with Rover, Bubba and his shotgun nearby to keep someone from stealing it.
But I digress.

7. First aid kits, medicines and any alcohol (used for medicinal purposes of course), should also be acquired.
Someone inevitably cuts a finger or gets stabbed with nails when trying to install those shutters or plywood and when cleaning up the debris. Note to Florida newbys-if while cutting a downed tree and you hit an electrical line or cut off an arm, you are screwed. No emergency service is available.
Us crackers, though, we take care of our own, remember?
We got coolers of ice, so we can just place that appendage in the cooler until help arrives. Oh, and FYI-the "medicinal" alcohol may be needed as a pain blocker as it may take seven days or so for the help to arrive. But hey, the appendage will hopefully not be too moldy and nasty from those 90 degree temperatures. And if electricity gets ya, we'll toast ya on the BBQ when we run out of fresh meat. Waste not, want not, that's my motto. So, heed my advice and be very careful with that chain saw or else the opportunity to become a hurricane statistic will greatly increase.

8. Pets are important creatures too.
Keep them on leashes and in carriers so they do not freak out and hide in hard to find places or get blown away if the roof caves in. They will be right up close and personal with the family, shoved in that linen closet, whining and crying. Oh, and bring a plastic bag in case of well, you know, accidents. Valium is good as well, both for pets and humans. I'm just saying.

9. A bug-out bag is also a necessity when dealing with a storm.
What is a bug-out bag?
Sigh.
I know, us crackers gotta think of everything.
Yep.
That bag, could very well become all the worldly possessions that do not get blown away. Include a change of clothes for each person, important papers, cell phones/chargers, medications and anything of any value. If the roof flies off and the walls give away, leaving may be necessary. Now, I'm not saying hop in the car and go for a drive during 135 mph winds, but if it becomes too dangerous to stay in the house, peek out the closet door to see if the neighbor's house is still standing. Then hightail it right quick with the family, pets and bug-out bag. I'm sure they will be mighty hospitable considering the circumstances. If not, there is always the car.

10. Last, but not really least, are have tools, grill or BBQ, plastic bags (like Ziplocs), garbage bags and lots of bug spray in the hurricane disaster corner and ready to go after the storm.
All are key to dealing with storm debris, bugs and home repairs.
Cracker tip: Those garbage bags may come in handy if the neighbors get out of hand and need to be dumped in the canal. I'm just sayin'.

So, as an experienced hurricane season cracker, those are the items I feel are key to surviving a storm in South Florida. Personally, I think anyone crossing the state line should be required to take a hurricane preparedness course, but, hey, that's just my opinion. This way there are no Florida newbys saying, "Well, I didn't think a little rain and wind could do so much damage."
Yeah.
We got those people too.
The ones that wait for FEMA to come and rescue them.
Ha!
Wake up sheeple!
Us crackers, we just got ourselves and our inbreds. And we can survive most anything.

Got anything to add to my list? Feel free to show me some comment love. PJ Mom of 3 Boys graciously gave up her Dunkin' Donuts card as there are no Dunkin' Donuts locations in her area. (Gosh-that soooo sucks! Time to move I say! LOL!)
So, leave me some comment love, ON MY BLOG (please?), not my Facebook or Twitter people, (although I do appreciate all the feedback! :) and add to my list if you can. Then on Wednesday, I will randomly select another winner for the Dunkin' Donuts gift card.
Happy hurricane tracking!